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Donald Trump Will Bring the Zombie Apocalypse

Wednesday, April 27, 2016 11:30 AM | Anonymous member

By Wade Ivy, III

Endless hordes of mindless, blood-thirsty humans, haunted by the memory of their former lives, descend upon our major cities, clumsily falling over themselves in search of that one thing that drives them, that brings them life, that gives them purpose. This is not a scene from the next season of The Walking Dead, but a very real, horrifying nightmare that a Donald Trump presidency would bring.

Unlike the classic zombie flick, Trump zombies don’t lust for flesh; they lust for hate, and the Trump presidential campaign is Patient Zero. His substance-less onslaught of vitriolic ramblings has infected the masses and succeeded in popularizing hate and emboldening the hateful. He is a virus that can ultimately bring about the demise of the civilization we call America.


So, what can you do to survive the Trump zombie apocalypse? Below are the three things you must do to effectively ward off the zombie hordes and survive a collapse of American society as we know it.

1.     Get vaccinated.

Luckily, there is a cure and vaccine for the Trump virus. All people in the affected areas should inoculate themselves with a pure strain love, understanding, and tolerance. The Trump virus is weak and is easily destroyed when met with antibodies of love. It can’t penetrate cells infused with love, not matter how many mutations it undergoes. It should be noted that behaving in a loving manner is difficult when others are out to devour you. However, reminding oneself that the zombies were once humans, with children, hobbies, fears, and passions, can help humanize these bloodthirsty beings. Although these zombies are dangerous, remember they are victims too.

2.     Find protection.

Many people will not get vaccinated, or will refuse treatment, and will therefore, be a threat to those around them. Hence, in addition to vaccinating yourself, you must get protection to ward off the Trump zombie. Guns, knives, swords, and baseball bats wrapped in barbed wire are not the proper tools for this outbreak. Harsh language and insults will only make them more aggressive and entrenched. However, there is one sure-fire way to repel the Trump zombie – FACTS! A fact to a Trump zombie is like a cross to a vampire; it repulses them, forcing them to cower in shame.  Unfortunately, facts can be hard to find during the apocalypse.  Traditional news media outlets will be obsessed with covering the gory details of the zombie attacks across the country, and will prove to be useless in your fact-finding mission. Internet-based shows like The Young Turks, The Thom Hartmann Show, This Week in Blackness, and The Best of the Left Podcast are great sources of facts and in depth analysis of political and social issues. NPR also has a sound reputation at reporting facts and serious analysis.  For those survivors with HBO, the Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and VICE are great programs with hard-hitting political analysis and investigative journalism.

3.     Store food and water.
No really, store food and water. Zombies are really unpredictable. However, even with ample nutrition, there may still be a risk of starvation, political and civic starvation, if you disengage from the fight and become apathetic. The sheer size of the Trump zombie horde can lead to feelings of hopelessness and depression – the feeling that total collapse is inevitable and intellectual death is imminent. It isn’t. No matter how daunting the task may seem, fighting back against this wave of misinformation, historical revisionism, and regress is the only way we will survive.

Winter is coming – the winter of 2016. Being prepared for the potential dystopian future that awaits us is the only way to ensure the survival of sanity, rationality, community, progress, justice, and democracy. So, stock up, develop a plan, and practice it with your loved-ones. The fight for the soul of America is coming.

Wade Ivy, III, is a passionate advocate for equality, justice, and progress. He is the founder of The American Roundtable, an honest discussion on race, culture, and politics with people of all walks of life. Follow him on Twitter: @WadeIvyIII and @AmRoundtable.

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